You know you're in India when....

One of my friends sent me a text this week saying "you know you're in India when you have to stop at a green light for an elephant".  That text inspired me to ask my Delhi friends to contribute to this blog, these are their contributions:


YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN INDIA WHEN........

• You spend US$10 on a bag of crisps and $1 on a dozen roses!

• You see a learner driver having a ciggy while the instructor struggles to see through the totally smashed windscreen!  Ditto for the bus driver over the weekend also with a smashed in windscreen!

• A 20 minute commute takes 3.5 hours and you're overtaken by a cow

• Toothpaste costs $1.20, a toothbrush costs $1, eye drops cost 12cents

• You can buy prescription drugs over the counter, and the chemist is more than willing to cut 2 tablets off a blister pack!

• You find postem mortem gloves at the supermarket!

You buy a bargain dress for $2.50 at a market but discover it's got writing on the bottom of it .... when you get home

• Your household bills are addressed to "Mrs Foreigner"

• You have been electrocuted in your shower more than once

• Fire bursting out of powerpoints is no cause for alarm nor evacuation

• The nurseryman writes your bill in the dirt

• Your mali tells you it's the flying birds that are destroying your vege patch (well I don't see any kiwis, penguins, ostrichs, emus or cassowarys here!)

• the mali goes on to telling you the flowers did not grow because the cause the seeds are weak

• The answer to a yes/no question is "not mostly"

• when you've got coat hangers dangling from all your door latches cause your maid can't reach the latches!

• You have to shove a pencil in the top hole of the powerpoint to get your plug in and you no longer think it's weird or dangerous!

• There's valet parking at your local hospital

• Your electrician informs you that your installations need to "settle" before they can work properly

• You see 2 washing machines and 2 fridge/freezers being towed down the road by ONE, yes one bicycle!!

• and two beanbags carried either side of a motorbike!

• You're happy that your desk at the office is closest to the khazi

• The same family members repeatedly "expire" as an excuse for not coming to work

• During the dark of a power out, you continue your meeting, eating dinner or shopping without missing a beat and the kids no longer panic!

• You receive an invitation to a wedding ..... being held in two days!

• Wedding music rattles your windows and keeps you up till 4am!

• Your PA tells you (not asks) that she needs 2 days off to do yoga to "rebalance"

• Bus stop ad "Refreshingly Green - Delhi is one of the greenest capital cities in the world"... yeah right, green as in shit, algae & urine green

• Your waiter offers to run your bottle of Pinot under hot water because it's too cold!!!!

• The Samsung repairman quotes Rs6,000 with a bill or Rs5,000 without a bill!

• The answer you DON'T want to hear is delivered with a beaming smile!!!!

• It only costs you $10 to see a specialist

When you see an ear picker on the street and no-one else is staring, taking pics or laughing hysterically ... and then he smears his "collections"on his wrist ewww!

and last but by no means least .....

• Your new neighbour introduces himself and says "I am in your backside"