oh what joy ....... all this over bloody chai!!!!

My guards have the shits cause the drivers use their drinking water to wash their faces

They also have shits cause everyone is using “their” tea supplies

and cause no-one else does the dishes

Madam has shits cause they used 14.5kg of sugar last month

Lal tells Madam it’s not his business because they are Madam’s guards and drivers?

WHAT THE???????????

this is Lal, our caretaker, he can't look at anyone while talking to them!

Madam tells Lal she needs his help (while contemplating if firing his sorry arse is the answer)

Lal agrees, cannot look Madam in face

Lal is going to make an estimate of utilisation of supplies and report back to me

Lal suggests would be better if I gave them cash to buy their own supplies

Madam wants to know what’s the freakn difference if I give them cash for supplies or provide supplies?

Lal still can’t look Madam in the eye

Lal will talk to everyone and report to me tonight

Madam tells Lal we’ll talk about it now

Cause it’s a trivial issue and she’s sick of it, it's worse than children arguing over a toy truck in the sandpit

Madam says her suggestion is 5kg of each and if they run out they buy their own

And she’s not providing 14.5kg of sugar

Madam says if anyone gets the shits they’ll no longer be provided tea/sugar & milk

And she can fire ALL the guards if they can't sort it out

Madam tells Lal everyone washes their face in servants bathroom from now on

And that servants bathroom is to be cleaned now builders have gone

And that everyone does their own freakn dishes

Oh and Madam is putting a lock on the gas bottle cupboard where the water bottles will now be stored

As she saw the guard taking a bottle out the gate

Madam would really like Lal to look her in the eye or at the very least in her general direction when they are conversing.

Madam's got the shits this is still an issue

And she’s wasted far too much time on this already today!

And god knows how the Maharajah will react when I tell him this S H I T is still going on!

later .... Madam comes home angry cause she's been to a presentation on surviving expat life by a woman who doesn't even have kids (forster kid in another city don't count luv). This woman clearly knows her stuff cause she said that "our husbands are probably stressed" (really Einstein?????) and "will need their 'me time' when they get home" and that "we should allow them time to express their feelings, yet you should refrain from dumping when they get home" (that's Americanshrinkychick code for "they're allowed to be stressed but we aren't") and "we shouldn't rely on our husbands as our sole means of support" (ermmmm we don't cause those same husbands check their blackberry 27,000 times a day, at 2am squinting without their glasses!!!!!) and that "if we find ourselves stressed we should go to the toilet and breathe in deeply and exhale to the count of 4, to the count of 10, there how do you feel now?" "put out anger on the table and leave it there .. cause why on earth should we expect everything to be fine" and that "we should just go home and skype our nearest & dearest back home for support" ..... oh yeah? and when do I find time to actually breathe honey or go to the loo for that matter ... let alone find someone who will understand what the hell I go through every day, and how hard it is here to do the simplest of things without relying on a very new but extremely supportive & understanding network of amazing women, unless they have lived this .. this sometimes unbearable madness ... here .. in India? huh??????

Two great comments came out of today ... one from fellow rebel & troublemaker:

"ok love, do 4 years in India with 2 little kids and hubby home for half an hour a week, and let me know how that goes for you will ya?" and the other priceless one from a kooky chick giggling at our witty & oh so sarcastic sms'es back n forth, designed only to alleviate the boredom of the irrelevant content of this presentation

"hmmmmm let's have a meds mela"...

I've only been here for 6 months but I know that's far more appropriate than bloody breathing exercises luv!!!!

Meanwhile .... Lal reports back to me the guards need 45kg of milk per month and 10kg of sugar for 3kg of tea!!!!!

I don't friggn think so......

Breathe ... to the count of 4.

Nup that's not working.

Inhale ....

Hell why don't I just buy a bloody cow and grow sugar cane in my new vege patch huh huh huh?

Inhale ..... exhale ...

Inhale .... andddddd contemplate all the things you could be achieving while you're in the loo simply breathinggggggggg your stressessssssssss awayyyyyyyy

Exhale ... like torturing the guards by shoving tea bags up their fingernails ..........

Oh yeah that feels better!

ps; the Maharajah beats me home and sorts out this pathetic debarcle. Dean tells Lal & co that their estimate of 12.5kg of sugar is bullshit, apparently has them laughing at his "bullshit smelling" charades (to get his point across). Guards want money so they can buy lesser quality tea (and pocket the difference no doubt). Dean slashes their estimate from Rs2,400 to 1,500 per month and tells them if this subject ever comes up again, it'll be slashed by 500roops per occasion! When you consider the kind of work/negotiations/values Dean's handling at the moment, I'm surprised he even bothered fighting this battle! One month to go and the new business should be open!